Rambling ramble

I didn’t intend to take last week off from blogging. I just didn’t have anything to say. I still don’t. I’m at a loss as to what to write. I read somewhere that blogs are one of the casualties of COVID — they’re being abandoned by their creators — and I kind of understand it: You want to write, but you need something to write about.

And I’ve got nothing new to share.

Here’s how my days go: I wake up. I make coffee and take my meds. The weather has been beautiful, so I head outside with my journal. I shower and get dressed. Some mornings I take a walk; sometimes it’s already too hot, or they’re spraying in the orchards that surround our home, or my legs hurt and I don’t want to. Then I make my two second commute to the office and fire up the ol’ laptop.

Um, work work work, lunch break, maybe a nap if it’s a Thursday or Friday. Maybe work some more. Maybe just go read on the deck. Get dinner going. Eat, clean the kitchen, read or dink around on my phone. Evening walk with Eric as soon as it’s cool enough. Wait for it to be 9 p.m. because, even though it’s still light outside, that’s not TOO pathetic of a time to start getting ready for bed.

Sleep. Well, I’m not a great sleeper, so I toss and turn a lot, but I love the feel of my weighted blanket (even if it’s too hot for summer) and I’ve meditated so much on the mantras “I don’t worry about what I cannot control” and “I live in the present moment” and “My ego is my enemy” that negative thought loops don’t usually materialize. I’m just chillin’ with the cats.

Sometimes I think about how far removed from zero waste I am during this pandemic because bulk options are no longer available. Not that I would be comfortable utilizing them right now anyway, to be honest. Sometimes I think about how minimal waste is really the goal and how I am still able to do a lot on that end simply by picking packages that can be recycled curbside.

Sometimes I think about how, at the beginning of the pandemic, I was reaching to everyone I knew to check on them, but now that it’s been a solid three months (almost four?!) and everyone is used to the unknown, I’ve slipped back into my introverted habits. Sometimes I think about how overwhelming it is to finally be able to visit my favorite coffee shop (in a mask) or get my hair cut (in a mask) or order takeout from a favorite restaurant (in a mask) or schedule reflexology and acupuncture appointments and then go take care of my body (in a mask).

We had a backyard pizza party at my parents’ recently, with tables set apart. My dear friend Mara came to visit and we sat on my deck and I felt weird that I couldn’t offer her anything to eat or drink and that she refrained from using the bathroom out of politeness. Although, of course, I understood. I didn’t use my parents’ bathroom, either.

I truly love working from home and working fewer hours. It’s a financial hit, but it’s been helpful for my overall sense of wellbeing. It’s … weird … to have the energy at the end of the day to take a walk or clean the kitchen or just sit on the porch and chat with the fam. In the old days, I was so out of bandwidth that I just wanted to be left alone.

Weekends are generally: Farmers’ market, maybe a grocery pickup, reading, napping, we get to go to church now (in a mask), more walks, more cleaning the kitchen, some kind of fun good meal for Sunday dinner. More journaling.

Life is not the same, but it’s gotten into a new groove. I dig it, to be honest. Aside from the whole fear of death / debilitating illness with lingering side effects and realizing some ugly truths about my fellow countrypersons, this has been a fairly positive experience.

So I don’t know. I’m open to topic suggestions. Or maybe I don’t worry so much about updating every week. I am a creature of habit and I decided years ago I was posting on certain days and by God, I WILL POST. (Uh, except when I don’t.)

Well, anyway. How’s everyone doing out there?